Punishment keeps coming my way, a test to see how far i can go before I fall off the wagon. With no ease , i travel forward. A bottle staring at me, unopened. For a brief moment, i felt that I was coming out the end of it, but alas this life has yet another challenge ahead. Still sober, but struggling. Waiting more so than ever to pick up that bottle, or rolled up note. Sleepless nights haunt my soul, this pain so very real. When will it stop? When will i wake up and be me. The more i strive to reach for what i want, the more my heart aches.

The lord’s name called out but in vain, for I have done nothing to deserve his help. I have wasted and squandered, these talents of mine, running from my past, in hopes that it will one day magically work out. The truth far worse than that, there is no other way but to take this hurt and move forward. I walk a thin line of pain, sobriety, life and death, forever stuck in this merry go round.

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