Friday morning six am, I sit at my kitchen table, I’ve been awarded my life back. Well almost all of it. The parts that are missing, while just out of reach, do seem obtainable,but timing is of the essence, with everything in my life, I see clearly what I want and how to get it, except for one thing, and to some the most important thing, so me it definitely is, the love of my life. After disappearing from her for 3 months without any contact, as I dealt with my addictions and she dealt with my actions during our time, I didn’t see or contact her. The night before I arrived home, two emails were exchanged, and since then we have been talking back and front, she is still hurt and upset over how our relationship ended, and how difficult I become, towards the end. But she understands the hardships I have endured and challenges that have been in my life.

All I have wanted since the day i left her was the chance to make things right. To undo the hurt I caused her. It was a part of me that was once in control but now is dead. I hope one day we can reignite our love and begin an even better life together than before. I see it infront of me, like carefully assorted lego bricks, the finished product is far from complete and the foundation are only being laid, Im patient in this process. As I still have a lot of work to do on myself. I just hope I’m doing the right thing for her, by purusing her. As much as we love each other and still have feeling for each, the wake of hurt and pain I left in the path of my self destruction , is far reaching. Is it too much history to start over, My hopes are that our paths cross paths again some day, and until that time, I’ll just keep moving forward snd have faith that things will work out

Life in Recovery

Im back online after my weeks in treatment, and its amazing to see the change in myself, life no longer seems like an endless string of hardships. Its been a difficult transition making the move home after the safety of where i was stay. And right now i feel very much like Philippe petite, walking the wire between the twin towers , one tower , the life i had and the pain that consumed me, the other tower, my desires and how i want my life to be. Coming home feels as if they cut the balance bar, in half, making each step more difficult and challenging, i must take my time and learn to be patient. The destination will come eventually, but my taking the steps cautiously and carefully , I can enjoy the journey and relish in the small victories, moments are meant to be enjoyed and i must learn to slow down and take them in, instead of wanting the instant hit, that gratification that came so easily before. Now is my time to work on my balance and better myself and my skills, and not give in to the urge to run across the wire , so risk of falling. A step back doesnt mean I’m heading to where it came from it just means i need a moment to readjust my balance and continue on. Every faithful I will reach the end , eventually